The Secret Commonwealth Review
Just when I thought this entire book universe could not get more trash.
I have read some really bad books in my life, but I have found a new finalist for potential Worst Book™. I will update y’all on the official winner upon my deathbed. Stay tuned.
The only part of this book I enjoyed was learning that Pan settled into a pine marten shape because I think pine martens are very cute. The story starts as essentially a fantasy retelling of A Little Princess (girl boarder runs out of money from her fam, and so has to move to a shabbier room and live on social equality of the servants). If you want to experience that kind of story, just watch the Shirley Temple movie.
WOW at the racism and Orientalism in this book — this got past editors and publishers in 2018/2019? Interesting that Pullman, who clearly wrote the His Dark Materials series as a direct rebuttal to the Narnia series, writes about the Ottoman Empire in the same way C. S. Lewis does (i.e. Orientalist-ly and racist-ly). You’re doing amazing, sweetie!
Pullman keeps bringing up the “instability” of the middle eastern region. In a fantasy world where the Ottoman Empire is still intact and has no mention of World War I (and therefore no Sykes-Picot Treaty or Kellogg-Briand Pact or League of Nations, and all the problems arising from those), it’s interesting (read: problematic) that the “middle east” must be “unstable.” Pullman also includes anti-Kurdish dogwhistles. Either he has included them on purpose, or he doesn’t know that he included the dogwhistles, which is very irresponsible when setting a story in Anatolia. Even more irresponsible, considering that Pullman has such a large audience.
This book is majorly creepy. Very Adult™ Malcolm (31, from La Belle Sauvage) has the hots for Barely Legal™Lyra (20) and has a very gross fantasy about her, not long after Alice confides her experience of rape. It is also heavily implied that Malcolm has been lusting after Lyra since he was her teacher (when she was 14 and 15). Please no. The descriptions of Lyra and Pan’s relationship is also very gross. Pullman describes Lyra and Pan cuddling in a totally wholesome way as “sensuous,” (barf). Later, when Lyra and Pan are on the outs, Pullman describes Lyra’s wish for Pan’s warmth curling up “between her breasts,” (double barf). How does this add to the story? Also not adding to the story is the repeated insistence that Alice is not attractive in any way, but that she possesses an “intense sexuality.” This tells us what exactly? The Book of LUST, amirite?
Yet another example of disgusting creepy racist misogynist trash: Lyra gets violently sexually assaulted by a group of Turkish soldiers (because Turks and other middle eastern people are violent, uncivilized, hyper-sexual predators, remember?). This scene is important to progress and enhance the plot in *checks notes* no way whatsoever. It’s entirely sexual violence porn. The soldiers’ officer valiantly saves Lyra before the violent gang assault progresses to violent gang rape (round of applause for this MAN! Doing the bare minimum!) and then complains that she has put three of his men out of commission by fighting back. Then, he gives her some great “advice” — she should act more assertive towards men and then they won’t bother her in the future. Thank you, helpful MAN!
Speaking of the plot, there is not a whole lot of substance. I had a hard time paying attention because I found it so boring. Lyra, Pan, and Malcolm go on an “adventure” to the “mysterious East” (eww) which is essentially the entire narrative. The classic hero’s journey, except there is a novel twist that nothing actually interesting happens. The only thing that grabbed my attention was all the racist and creepy stuff. It will haunt me forever.
